You found it on the shared tablet in the compound villa. The driver is outside, the children are at the international school until three, and the one friend you would tell is on the same company visa as your husband. You need somewhere to think before anyone knows you are thinking.
Stay, Pause or Leave is a 106-page workbook for the weeks after betrayal, written by Kita Tabachka, a BACP registered counsellor who works online with expats and international couples. It gives you a route through the first days, what you need to know, how to steady yourself, and how to weigh repair, a supported pause and leaving. Every chapter works alone if your partner will not take part.
Nobody sees the file. Read page 7 first if your device, tablet or accounts are shared, and use the safer-device guidance before you write anything down.
Housing, the iqama, the school fees and the exit all run through one employer. Chapter 4 has a page for the relationship holding your whole life abroad, and chapter 9 covers a practical separation plan without a perfect ending.
Your mother in Manchester or Manila hears a different story every call. Chapter 1 shows you how to ask for the kind of help you need, from the people who have it.
Page 31 is written for you: when the relationship holds your whole life abroad. Housing, visa, income, friends and children arriving through one person. The page separates practical dependence from the relationship decision and gives you the questions for each.
The file is yours. It lives on your device, prints from your own printer, and needs no account. Page 7 covers a monitored phone and a safer device.
Family and evidence rules in Saudi Arabia differ from the UK. Before a confrontation, a disclosure or any money move, read chapter 2 and speak to a lawyer licensed where you live. The workbook is educational and takes no legal position.
Educational workbook, not therapy, not legal advice.
Tap the line closest to today. The workbook opens on the page for it, so nobody has to begin at chapter one.
Six small actions for the first hour, and a sentence for when your partner asks what happens now.
Get the workbookSeparate the questions with a purpose from the questions the fear keeps asking.
Get the workbookSplit the urgent decisions from the lasting one, and see what repair, a pause and leaving each ask of you.
Get the workbookTruth, accountability, safety and willingness, with an accountability plan you both sign.
Get the workbookTake responsibility without making your partner manage your shame.
Get the workbookCloseness without an escalation plan, and words for declining without a debate.
Get the workbookA practical separation plan and an honest account of what you are grieving and keeping.
Get the workbookWords a child understands, and a handover plan reviewed through the child's day.
Get the workbookMap behaviour, harm and secrecy separately, then match each concern to the right help.
Get the workbookOrganise your information, support and next decision without waiting for anyone.
Get the workbookEvery page: a short explanation, a fictional example and something to try. Tap to enlarge.
Kita works online with individuals and couples, including partners in different countries, at times which fit your evening. The first consultation is free. The workbook stands on its own and never requires a session. Riyadh is two to three hours ahead of the UK, and evening slots exist for it.
The note from Kita, the route table, one teaching page and the one-page plan you will use most. Enter your email and the PDF opens straight away.
Yes. Every chapter has a solo route, and chapter 16 is written for the person doing this alone. The pages on truth, decisions, safety and your own life need nobody else in the room.
Neither. Repair, a supported pause and separation each get their own chapters, and the decision chapter helps you see what each direction asks of you. The choice stays yours.
Yes. Chapter 3 includes a page for the person who broke the agreement, and the rebuild, accountability and apology pages are written for you. Taking responsibility without making your partner manage your shame is the thread through all of them.
Four chapters cover hidden behaviour, alcohol and drugs, gambling and money, and sexual behaviour, each with the right starting point for help and the questions to ask before a promise is accepted.
No. It is an educational workbook by a BACP registered counsellor. It does not assess, diagnose or replace crisis, medical or legal help, and the support chapter tells you where to find those.
One A4 PDF of 106 pages. Print the practice pages or type into the file on a tablet or laptop. You keep it for as long as you need it.
The download link appears on the order page and arrives by email within a minute. No account is needed. All sales are final on digital products.
£29.00 one payment, instant PDF
Secure checkout. All sales are final on digital products. Educational workbook, not therapy.
Also written for: Dubai · London · Singapore · the United States
