Description
The sex you want is with the person lying next to you
One of you has stopped asking, because the asking started to feel humiliating. The other has started to dread the hand on the hip, and hates the dread. Neither of you is the villain. Most couples in this bed have tried a book of positions, a date night and a weekend away, and found the same silence waiting at home on Tuesday.
What this workbook does differently
It sorts the problem before it prescribes anything. Low desire after a birth, after resentment, after pain, after medication or after betrayal looks the same from the outside and needs a different route. The Desire Sort in Part Four gives you thirteen kinds of low desire on one page each, and tells you plainly which ones belong with a GP, a pelvic health physiotherapist or a psychosexual therapist.
It asks whether the relationship is fair enough for wanting to return. A person who carries the calendar, the children and the in-laws all day has nothing left at ten o’clock. Part Two puts the invisible load on paper and hands half of it back.
It restores the right to say no. Part Three teaches a no which does not punish, a reach which does not pressure, and the six-question Pressure Test both of you take about both of you.
It repairs the hour after. The turned back, the sigh, the comment about a body, the lie found out. Part Five gives you scripts of six to twelve words for each one, and a 72-hour rule.
Inside the 233 pages
- The Safety Gate: twelve questions answered alone, and a clear line on when this is not the book you need
- Part One: The Bed Is Where the Pattern Shows, with the Reach Map and the Loop on one page
- Part Two: Fair Enough to Want, with the Load Audit and the Resentment Ledger
- Part Three: The No and the Yes, with the Pressure Test and the Return Promise
- Part Four: What Kind of Desire Problem Is This, with the Desire Sort
- Part Five: Repair After Sexual Hurt, with scripts for the hour after
- Part Six: Reaching Again, with touch which asks for nothing and the 90-day Evidence of Change record
- Part Seven: The Partner Working Alone, for the one who bought the book and will not be joined
- Part Eight: When This Is Not the Book, with a helpline directory for the UK, Ireland, Australia, the US and Canada
Who it is for
Couples in a long relationship where one wants sex more often, where sex has become a duty or a score, or where touch has stopped. Every example works for any gender and any couple. If your partner will not take part, Part Seven is yours.
Who it is not for
This workbook teaches. It does not treat. If saying no in your bed costs you more than a sulk, if you are frightened of your partner, or if your phone, money or time are controlled, the Safety Gate sends you to Part Eight and away from the couple exercises.
How you receive it
One fillable PDF, 233 pages, US Letter. Download it from the order page and from your email once payment clears. Every writing space and tick box is a field: tap and type on your phone in Adobe Acrobat Reader, Apple Books or the Files app, and your answers save inside the file. Each partner keeps their own copy. All sales on digital products are final.
A note from Kita
I have sat with more than 5,000 sessions, and the couples who come to me about sex rarely lack information. They lack a way to ask without it sounding like a demand, a way to refuse without it landing as a verdict, and a way back after the bad night. Those three moves are the spine of this book. Start with the Safety Gate, on your own, tonight.
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